If there's one thing I've learned in nearly a decade of coaching people with their spending habits, it's this: money is as emotional as it is logical. We like to think it's all about the numbers, but it's tangled up in feelings—especially guilt. Most of us carry guilt around how we spend or manage money, whether from feeling like we don't have enough, regretting past purchases, or comparing ourselves to others. But today, I want to talk about a mindset shift: a way to break the guilt cycle and replace it with a more empowering cycle of planning, spending, and reflecting.
This guilt often comes from the spend > track > regret cycle. It's when we make a purchase in the moment, track it after the fact, and only then realize it wasn’t the best choice. We didn’t plan for it, and now we regret it. Maybe we saw something we wanted (or felt like we needed) and bought it impulsively. Then we have something more important come up that needs to be paid for. We realize we already spent the money. Then we regret the spending. Or it may look like seeing something we need or want, spending the money, later realizing the item could have cost less elsewhere if we had done our research, then we regret and feel guilt about the spending.
One of the biggest ones my husband and I experienced was with a water softener. Just after our first child was born, we had a water softener salesman show up at our door. Being young and still not very experienced with door to door salesmen, we let him in. He used our new baby to tug on our heartstrings and we agreed to do a whole house system with a water softener and RO water spout in the kitchen. When all was said and done, we went to Lowes and found out that we could have gotten the same things for a quarter of the price. Boy did we feel stupid! We still look back and regret that one, but we’ve had to learn to let it go. That’s when we realized: spending guilt and frustration can cloud our judgment, making us doubt ourselves. But practicing self-compassion, even after mistakes, helps break that cycle.
The water softener example was a large one, but we have had many such regretful spending moments over the years. We had a lot of shame over going into overdraft each month, asking family for a loan, and much more. Over time, with a lot of trial and error, we learned there is a better cycle to be in. The plan > spend > reflect cycle.
With this cycle, we plan our spending BEFORE we spend. We think of all the things we need our money to do for us - going beyond just the day to day, monthly spending. We plan for things like Christmas, car registrations, school fees, and yearly subscriptions year round - not just before they happen. We plan on emergencies or other unexpected things happening. We even have a plan for our kids' weddings before any of them are even close to being married.
Making this plan, having it all laid out in front of us, helps us spend with confidence. We know we can buy that pizza or pay for that car repair and still be able to pay for all of our other expenses - because we have it all planned out. Now, don't get me wrong, we were not planning on weddings and the like right off the bat, but we stuck with what we knew we needed now and in the near future. As more and more things got funded, we were able to expand to include more things in our spending plan. The key difference here is that with the plan > spend > reflect cycle, your spending aligns with what matters most to you—because you planned for it ahead of time. Instead of reacting and regretting, you're in control, making intentional choices that align with your goals. And that’s what takes guilt out of the equation. If we had been following this plan back with that door to door salesman, we would have known that it wasn't part of our plan. We could have updated our plan to include it, done our research, and done it much more cheaply and intentionaly when we were actually ready for that expense.
After we spend, we can reflect on our purchases and not have that same feeling of guilt and shame. Reflection doesn’t mean beating yourself up over past choices. It’s about learning from them and making tweaks to your plan so that you can get even closer to your goals next time. If something didn’t go as planned, adjust and move forward. This is all part of the process.
If you really want to kick spending guilt to the curb, start today by giving every dollar a job. Plan for each dollar, track your spending, and make sure it lines up with that plan. After a week or so of spending, look back. Is your spending in line with what's important to you? If it is, keep going. If it's not, adjust, re-plan, and keep going. Remember, no one taught you how to do this. You can't magically know something you were never taught. You'e got this!

You read that right... I can't stop looking at my budget. And here's why.

Earlier this year, my husband made a huge life decision—he left his 21-year career to pursue a more intentional life, more aligned with personal interests. We LOVED the time we had together during those months of “retirement.” But we also knew it couldn’t last forever. Eventually, we'd need health insurance, and, well... the cash would run out.

After four wonderful months together, he accepted a government job to help meet our family’s needs.

Now, working for the government is very different from working in the tech industry. One of the biggest differences? The pay—it was a significant cut. To say I was nervous is an understatement. We had commitments and family traditions we cherished, and I didn't want to lose them. But with so much less money coming in, how could we make it work?

I even started subscribing to job listings for places I wouldn’t mind working (YNAB, can you hear me?), just in case. I was prepared to give up doing what I love—helping people take control of their finances—if it came down to it.

We didn't want to make any big budget changes until that first paycheck arrived and we knew what we were working with. When it finally did come, I sat down, crunched the numbers, and something amazing happened: I realized that, with a few minor tweaks, we could live within our new income without a problem. I was so excited to share the news with my husband!

That evening, we had a little budget date. I walked him through my plan, and together, we went through the budget line by line—tweaking here, adjusting there—until everything fit. When we were done, I felt an incredible sense of relief. We wouldn’t have to give up our commitments, our favorite traditions, or the things that mattered most to us.

That clarity gave me so much peace and hope, I couldn’t stop looking at the budget. Even now, I find myself opening it up just to admire it. It’s like looking at a piece of art—it represents security, freedom, and the knowledge that we’re going to be okay. Not to mention, I can still keep focusing on my business and helping others find the same peace and hope with their finances.

When people tell me they don’t need a budget, or that budgets are too restrictive, I can’t help but smile. For me, a budget brings freedom, not restrictions. It’s what allows me to feel calm and confident about the future. And that’s made all the difference.

For the past several months, I have enjoyed serving my clients through, not only our one-on-one sessions, but also during my client-only open office hours each month. Since COVID and all the financial repercussions of that time, more and more people are struggling to make ends meet and are not sure how to get the help they need. With this in mind, I’ve decided to open up my office hours to anyone—client or not—who could use a little coaching to help them fall in love with how they spend their money.

Money is so ingrained in our daily lives that sometimes we overlook the power it has. So many of our daily choices, both big and small, are influenced by our financial situation, often without us even realizing it. Whether it's deciding what to eat, where to live, or how to spend our leisure time, money plays a role in shaping our experiences. When we’re not mindful of how we spend our money, it can lead to stress, uncertainty, and a sense of being out of control.

But what if we could change that? What if, instead of feeling anxious about our finances, we could feel confident and at peace? What if we could *fall in love* with the way we spend our money?

As the leaves begin to change and fall approaches, it’s the perfect time to reassess our relationship with money and create a spending plan that aligns with our values and goals. Just like the fall season encourages us to cozy up and enjoy the beauty around us, it can also be a time to embrace a new mindset about our finances. When we fall in love with our spending, we become more intentional, thoughtful, and empowered in our choices. We spend with confidence, knowing that our money is working for us, not against us.

My open office hours are designed to provide a space where you can explore your financial habits, ask questions, and receive guidance on how to create a spending plan that brings you peace of mind. Whether you’re looking to tackle debt, save for a big purchase, or simply gain more control over your day-to-day spending, these sessions are here to support you on your journey.

I also encourage you to spread the word to family and friends who might benefit from this opportunity. Financial peace is something everyone deserves, and by inviting those close to you, you can help them embark on their own path to falling in love with their spending.

So, as we welcome the fall season, I invite you to join me in falling in love with the way you spend your money. Let’s work together to create a financial plan that gives you confidence, clarity, and the peace of mind you deserve.

Office hours will be held every second Wednesday of the month at 10:00am MT (noon on the East Coast and 9:00am on the West Coast). There is no prearranged agenda or topic. Just come, raise your hand, and chat with me. Hope to see you in my office soon!

When it comes to personal finance, it's easy to get caught up in the minutiae of tracking every penny and managing day-to-day expenses. However, without a clear sense of direction, budgeting can feel like a tedious chore rather than a tool for achieving your dreams. That's why it's crucial to begin with the end in mind. This approach not only makes budgeting more meaningful but also ensures that your spending aligns with your values and priorities.

The Power of Dreaming
At the heart of beginning with the end in mind is the concept of dreaming. What do you envision for your future? Do you dream of traveling the world, owning a home, starting a business, or simply achieving financial independence? These dreams provide a roadmap for your financial journey. By identifying your long-term goals, you can create a spending plan that supports and propels you toward those aspirations.

Aligning Spending with Values
Once you've identified your dreams, it's time to dig deeper into your values. What truly matters to you? Is it security, freedom, family, adventure, or personal growth? Understanding your core values helps you prioritize your spending in a way that brings you closer to your goals and increases your overall satisfaction with how you manage your money.

But how do you discover what your values truly are? Here are a few steps to get started:

1. Reflect on Past Experiences: Think about times when you felt happiest and most fulfilled. What were you doing? Who were you with? These moments can provide clues about your core values.
   
2. Identify Non-Negotiables: Consider the aspects of your life that you are unwilling to compromise on. These are often closely tied to your values.

3. Set Priorities: Make a list of what is most important to you in different areas of your life, such as relationships, career, health, and personal growth. This will help you see where your values lie.

Tools to Keep You on Track: YNAB
One of the best tools to ensure your spending aligns with your values and priorities is You Need a Budget (YNAB). YNAB is more than just a budgeting app; it's a methodology that helps you take control of your money and make intentional spending decisions.

YNAB operates on four key principles:

1. Give Every Dollar a Job: This principle encourages you to allocate every dollar you earn to a specific purpose, ensuring your money is working towards your goals.

2. Embrace Your True Expenses: YNAB helps you plan for irregular expenses by breaking them down into manageable monthly amounts.

3. Roll with the Punches: Life is unpredictable, and YNAB teaches you to adjust your budget as needed without feeling like you've failed.

4. Age Your Money: By living on last month's income, you can break the paycheck-to-paycheck cycle and gain more financial stability.

Falling in Love with How You Spend Your Money
Ultimately, the goal of budgeting is to fall in love with how you spend your money. When your spending aligns with your values and priorities, every dollar spent brings you closer to your dreams and enhances your sense of fulfillment. By beginning with the end in mind, you transform budgeting from a mundane task into a powerful tool for living a life that truly reflects what matters most to you.

Conclusion
Starting with the end in mind is not just a strategy for budgeting—it's a mindset shift that can transform your entire approach to money management. By dreaming big, identifying your values, and using tools like YNAB to stay on track, you can create a spending plan that not only supports your goals but also brings joy and satisfaction to your financial journey. Remember, the key is to fall in love with how you spend your money and make every dollar count towards a life you love.

Early on in our financial journey to paying off debt and building our finical future, we had the fun opportunity to be featured in a series that CNN Money was doing on people working to pay off their debt. It made our debt pay off plans a little more exciting. All these years later, people still come across the article and mention it to us. This is the short story of how it come to be:
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After filling out a survey my husband came across one day, we were contacted and interviewed by CNN Money about our goal to pay off our debt. We were featured in a series they did called, Debt Busters. Click here to read the article.

​Nearly a year later, they reached out again to do a follow up article about where we were in our process and how we felt about our journey to debt freedom. To read that article, click here.

Things have changed since then, but we are still doing our best to be debt busters and being in control of our money.